"What upsets people is not [the insults] themselves but their judgments about [the insults]." Epictetus
Here are strategies three through five on how to handle insults. Six and Seven will be posted sometime next week. Enjoy and share.
Strategy three: Use humor to prevent insults
I knew a boy (my older brother) who went to first grade with glee. So excited to learn and to play with the plethora of children of all shapes, sizes, and colors. What fun! By the time school ended, the boy was distraught, for he had become the school children’s toy. The boy’s name was Marty, and the children called him Marty-Farty: a most hilarious rhyme, if you ask me. When his father asked Marty-Farty how his day went, the child broke down into tears telling his dad all that transpired. The father, being wise, told his son that all he needed to do to stop people from making fun of him was to make fun of himself. That’s right! It’s really not amusing to make fun of someone who takes more delight in ridiculing himself. The next day, the boy introduced himself as Marty-Farty.
Strategy four: Exaggerate the insult
I had just walked into a room where my wife’s dear friend was standing. She said,
“Hi, Mr. Mom. I like calling you that because you are a stay-at-home Dad.”
I was totally taken off guard. What do I say to that? Knowing that being a stay-at-home Dad is like being a male nurse or flight attendant twenty years ago (Meet the Parents ring a bell?), it immediately brought feelings of defense. Stumbling for a few seconds, I decided to exploit the situation all the greater by talking about my newly diagnosed De Quervain's tenosynovitis (duh-kare-VAHS ten-oh-sine-oh-VIE-tis), which “is a painful inflammation of the tendons on the thumb side of a patient’s wrist,” that many new mom’s get from picking up her babies. I talked about the pain I felt from this mothering injury. I even brought my wife in on the discussion to describe the dysfunction in detail, seeing how she is a Physician Assistant. My hope was to undermine the insult with a conglomeration of boring facts and outlandish enthusiasm about the role I play as a make-believe mom.
Strategy five: Remain silent
Can you hear the crickets?)
I think number 4 is the same as number 3. Exaggeration is what make things funny and making fun of one's self as your example illustrates in number 4 is doing what number 3 says to do.
ReplyDeleteIn any case I agree with your statements on taking the lighter side of an insult and making fun of yourself. It's one of the most successful ways I deal with defeat of any kind and its how I keep up beat and positive.
The only caution I give your readers is that while insulting yourself before others do is a good way to deal with your personal demons, it also can have a negative effect on people on the fringe that might not know you and your strategy for dealing with such things. Example: I was at a summer camp and I was not a skinny kid by any means. To deal with my preconceived over weightness I chose to design my own shirt which I wore the entire week (which cause me to stink as well so I was fat and stinky). This shirt on the back said "Hey look at the fat kid!" For me this was a great joke and a way to deal with my insecurity and my friends and I would have a great laugh. However there were others in the camp that did not have this same disposition towards my shirt or were they privy to my intent so they took great offense and it actually hurt people's feelings that was taking joy and laughing with my friends about being fat.
So I say know your place and time when to employ this strategy. Maybe there are people in the crowd or on the fringe that don't know you and might take greater offense to the joke than you would.
I realize many people will think three and four are the same, and they are in a sense, but I choose to make them separate because of how they are used. I normally use three before the insults happen. Thus I normally introduce myself as the bold guy. I often used number four after an insult has already happened, as the story tells.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that all these strategies need to be used with caution. Knowing when, where, and which one is a matter of prudence. In fact, I plan on addressing this when I discuss number seven. However, because the original article was too long, I have broken it up into several post, thus giving a lot of autonomy to each strategy.